“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Philippians 2:3-4
How about we make our conversations less about ourselves and more about others?
I’ve become increasingly aware of the fact that the vast majority of conversations are just people taking turns talking about themselves. One person makes a statement and the others respond with their opinion or some statement about themselves, and the next person does the same. Bill states that he loved The Shape of Water. Phil responds in amazement, wondering how Bill could like the movie when he thinks it’s so horrible. Sara cuts in, giving her opinion, and the cycle continues.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with this. Communication is, after all, the exchange of ideas. Those ideas certainly include our personal opinions and statements about ourselves, but it seems to me that as followers of Jesus who are commanded to “value others above yourself, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others” our way of conversing shouldn’t be about us. Instead it should be about getting to know the person we’re talking.
Look to the interests of the others
Jesus makes the amazing statement that we will be judged by every word we say, even the absent-minded ones (Matthew 12:36). Our conversations are litmus tests that show what we truly value. If our conversations are primarily about expressing our own thoughts and opinions, odds are that we need a heart-shift so that, “in humility [we] value others above ourselves.”
Observe the way you talk in the next 24 hours. When you respond do you start your sentences with “Well, I…” and work (consciously or otherwise) to keep the conversation focused on you? Do you generally talk the most when you’re with others? It’s not possible to look to the interests of others if you’re focused on communicating your own thoughts instead of getting to know theirs.
Stop talking like it’s all about you
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit”, rather in humility respond with eager interest. When someone makes a statement don’t respond with a statement about yourself or your opinion. Instead ask a question. Make it your goal to get to know those around you deeply. Look to their interests. Start your responses with “Tell me more about….” and practice seeing the other person fully.
You’ll be amazed at what you’ll learn and how many friends you’ll make as you do this. In a world that celebrates expressing your own opinion, encountering someone who truly looks to anothers’ interest is like discovering cool shade on a 100 degree day. It is, in my opinion, an incredibly powerful tool for drawing people in to the goodness of God. When our conversations are less about ourselves and more about others we will find countless opportunities to communicate the love of Christ. May it be so in our lives.
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