Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters.
Romans 14:1

As I urged you when I went into Macedonia, stay there in Ephesus so that you may command certain people not to teach false doctrines any longer or to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies. Such things promote controversial speculations rather than advancing God’s work—which is by faith. The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.
1 Timothy 1:3-5

For the last eight years I’ve led a ministry that is home to people from a wide array of theological traditions, and for the last four and a half I’ve worked with ministry leaders from an equally wide stream of thought – from African Pentecostals to Lutheran Brethren to Covenant to EFCA and more.

It never ceases to surprise me how quickly conversation between a group of passionate followers of Jesus can dive down rabbit holes of theological obscurities and end up doing exactly what Paul two different churches to to avoid in the verses above – controversial speculation and quarreling over disputable matters.

Over the years I’ve discovered five things that prevent (or at least minimize) that tendency to quarrel and free everyone involved for the joy of fully focusing on Jesus rather than theological minutiae. While these are crafted specifically to prevent the more “spiritual” types of disagreements, I believe they are also applicable to any circumstances where there are people with disagreeing viewpoints and discussion taking place.

How to not quarrel

1. Define the purpose

Be clear about the purpose of the context that you’re in. When you have a meeting, why are you meeting? Is it training up believers? Is it outreach? Defining the purpose of your gathering upfront gives you leverage to re-direct discussion when it goes down a path that isn’t moving you towards the goal.

2. Create a separate space for discussion of disagreements

Host additional gatherings where theological discussions can take place and make sure people are aware of them. There’s great value in truly thinking deeply about controversial subjects. Some of my greatest learning in my late teens happened when a group of several people that I was friends with decided to have “theology nights” once a week where we’d sit down and spend two to three hours searching the Scriptures and discussing a particularly challenging topic.

3. Be obedience focused

In my experience if you trace most theological quarreling back to it’s true root, more often than not you’ll find the belief that right knowledge is as or more important than obedient action. Jesus makes it clear that that’s not the case. Push people towards obeying what Jesus is clearly saying rather than debating what Jesus might have meant and they’ll grow far more than if they spent hours debating the “deepest” theological subjects.

4. Realize that no one’s beliefs are completely accurate

Guess what? We don’t know it all! And we don’t need to. The requirement for living a life that’s pleasing to God isn’t about perfect theology – it’s about faith in Jesus. Accept that and then demonstrate a willingness to learn from those you disagree with.As Proverbs says, there is wisdom in a variety of counselors.

5. Have people share their stories.

Often many of our beliefs flow from our experience (even if we don’t think they do). Sharing stories will enable those in the group to be able to understand others’ perspectives and respect their opinions.

God’s goal isn’t that we all have right doctrinal knowledge, though knowing right doctrine is integral to what Jesus does command. He commands love the Lord your God, love your neighbor as yourself. As Paul writes to timothy, “the aim of our command is faith working itself out in love”. Quarrelling tends to be a love-killer. I pray that your ministry and your life would be a space where faith is working itself out in love and that those around you see that and are drawn to Jesus as a result.