The Midwest, particularly Minnesota and the Dakotas, are the epicenter of a culture of “niceness” that values putting on a good face, brushing off offenses, and minimizing emotion. But the deeper reality of things is that such niceness does little good in the long run. A niceness that squelches real emotions and pretends to never be offended rather than dealing with real issues simply creates deeper, more lasting wounds. We must not confuse niceness with being a good Christian.
There’s no biblical command to be nice. Instead there are numerous commands to do good to others (matt 5:16), to put others’ needs before your own (Philippians 2:4), and to love others as you love yourself (Luke 10:25-37).
Here’s my proposal – kindness is a much more Gospel-centered goal than niceness. Romans 2:4 says that it’s God’s kindness that transforms our lives. The Message puts it this way:
“You didn’t think, did you, that just by pointing your finger at others you would distract God from seeing all your misdoings and from coming down on you hard? Or did you think that because he’s such a nice God, he’d let you off the hook? Better think this one through from the beginning. God is kind, but he’s not soft. In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change.”
Start with kindness
Want to see lives transformed? Quit being “nice” start practicing kindness.
Merriam Webster defines niceness as : “pleasing, agreeable, well-executed… and socially acceptable”. In contrast, kindness is defined as being; “of a sympathetic or helpful nature, of a forbearing nature, arising from or characterized by sympathy or forbearance.”
Niceness is about following social norms, keep others happy, and doing what is expected. It’s based on actions, where kindness is a “nature” as the definition puts it. Kindness is aimed at doing good for the other person, forgiving offense, cultivating love and affection, and authentic relationship.
Contrasting niceness and kindness
Whereas niceness wants everyone to be happy, kindness wants everyone to be loved. Niceness wants to avoid conflict. Kindness wants people’s hearts to be known, even if it means conflict and tension in the moment. Niceness says everything is ok when it’s silently cursing the other person. Kindness truly believes the best of the other person. Niceness leads to mask-wearing. Kindness leads to authentic repentance.
Kindness starts with Christ
How do we move from being nice people to being kind people? It starts with looking at Jesus.
God’s kindness towards us is displayed perfectly in Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection. Want to know what being kind looks like? Look to Jesus. He’s gentle and caring, willing to get down in the dirt with people caught in sin and restore them to wholeness, yet he’s also able to confront and challenge those who need it. He has all things as the son of God, yet sets aside his rights and becomes a son of man. He forebears and is patient with those who are opposed to him.
Want to be kind to others? Receive God’s kindness to you. It’s found in Jesus, and as you open yourself to receive it from him it will overflow to others
Don’t settle for nice
Let’s not settle for anything less than what God has called us to. The goal of the Christian life isn’t to be a nice person who smiles at everyone and conforms to the social norms. We need to boldly reject anything in our culture that prevents us from living in love.
If we want to see people come to know Christ, encounter God’s goodness, and be transformed through grace and repentance, the kind of life that is filled with love and kindness is the only effective means. Don’t settle for nice this week. Start practicing being kind to those around you.
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