Since the beginning of Threshingfloor we’ve used Soma Community’s MC Leader Evaluation as an outline for regularly evaluating each of the leaders on our team. One of the key parts of the evaluation has each leader examine him/herself against 1 Timothy 3:1-13, a classic text on what leaders of God’s people ought to look like. In the text Paul writes and exhorts Timothy to appoint people who are,
above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church? He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.
Threshingfloor is an organization for young adults, led by young adults. The majority of our leaders are young single men and women. As I met with our leaders (particularly the male ones) during our last round of evaluations the phrase “husband of one wife” consistently received joking comments along the lines of, “Well, when I have a wife, I’ll definitely be faithful!” or “If you see a wife for me, send her my way!”. These comments were made with the best possible intentions, and I certainly see where they stem from on the surface of the text, but in the past couple months I’ve thought more deeply about Paul’s words to Timothy and their implications for young unmarried men and women who are in leadership roles in the kingdom, and I believe there is a critically important truth here that we need to see.
Is Paul implying here that unless a person is married they can’t take on the role of overseer? I don’t think so. Timothy himself doesn’t seem to be married judging by what we see of him in the New Testament, and he is clearly a leader of the church. Is the need for monogamy solely limited to those who are married? Again, I don’t think so. Jesus makes clear that faithfulness in marriage goes far beyond the marriage ceremony.
How does a single Christian be “the husband of one wife” or wife of one husband? The point character trait Paul is looking for here isn’t about marital status. It’s about faithfulness. The Christian leader is to have a faithful heart. This call to faithfulless applies to all, married or not. For those who are married there is plenty throughout scripture about faithfulness to your spouse. However, for those who are not married I want to make three point about how the single Christian can practice faithfulness until the time that God has appointed for them to enter into marriage.
Don’t date around
In a Christian culture where “dating around” is seen as acceptable and even encouraged (for the sake of meeting your future husband/wife, of course) the person who desires to be a leader in Christ’s kingdom must walk with the consciousness that God has a path laid out before them. The book of James says that “every good gift comes down from the father of lights.” I’ve seen far too many young people who functionally deny this truth by the way they are constantly (and often desperately) seeking the “one” rather than trusting God to give them the good gift.
Want to be a leader that fulfills the requirements Paul describes to Timothy? Be faithful. If you’re dating someone now, you don’t get to be on the lookout for better options. Stay with the person you’re with now. If you’re single, stay that way until God makes it clear that you’re supposed to move forward. Don’t be that person who runs from relationship to relationship.
Don’t let your heart run
Perhaps this one should come before the first point. As Jesus makes clear in the sermon on the mount, heart issues are the real issues. If you’re someone who is flying from relationship to relationship it’s because you’re allowing your heart to fly first. Moving from crush to crush is, in many ways, even more acceptable in the “Christian” community because often its not an outwardly noticeable. However, the faithfulness that leaders of God’s people are exhorted to begins internally. We can’t allow our desires to run wild and drag us from crush to crush. Instead we need to have the self-discipline and self-control to tame the wayward heart and focus it.
Are you dating someone currently? Take captive the thoughts that fly into your mind about how that girl or that guy is better than your current relationship. Are you single? Don’t put yourself in situations that will lead your heart down paths of emotional faithlessness. We need to take captive every thought and wrestle with it until it submits to Christ. That’s the essence of a leader’s heart.
Fight for faithfulness
This is no easy thing, even in marriage. Our flesh, Satan, and the world all conspire to draw us into wandering thoughts and emotions. But if we want to be effective in making disciples we need to set the example for those around us of faithfulness by taking thoughts captive, avoiding situations that might lead us astray, and viciously guarding our hearts.
For my brothers and sisters who have joined me in the work that is taking place in Threshingfloor, I charge you under the authority of God’s word, be faithful. Stay your way on the narrow path. I know how deep the longing is for companionship and how amazing it feels to have someone by your side. However, as Paul exhorts early Christians who were slaves, remain as you are. Be faithful in the situation the Lord has placed you in and he will bless you in ways that will satisfy your deepest desires.
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