Originally written on February 27th but not until now posted because, well, kids.
This past Sunday marked one month since Jude, our second son, was born. In all honesty, it’s been the hardest and least enjoyable month of my life. There’s been more arguing, tension, crying, and lock-yourself-in-the-bathroom-for-a-few-minutes-of-quiet moments than either Kelly or I have ever experienced. This morning I was up at 5:15 AM with Jude, attempting to get him to sleep so Kelly could get a few hours of sleep in a row. Micah was up at 5:45 due to Jude’s crying. The sun was up at 6:45.
I write this because I don’t remember anyone telling Kelly or I just how hard the transition from one kid to two is. We came into this expecting to get less sleep, be busier, and have a challenging couple months at the outset. We didn’t expect to feel like we were about to go insane trying to get a three week old to sleep while a two year old runs around us screaming and throwing things.
The most encouraging thing I’ve heard in the last month is from a friend who has three kids, all in their teens now, who told me for them the transition from one kid to two was far harder than going from zero kids to one, or from two to three.
When you’re parenting there’s always a part of your brain that thinks that you’re not doing it right or that everyone else who’s done it had it easier than you. Don’t buy those lies. Don’t downplay the incredible challenge of parenting – at any stage – but particularly in those first few weeks and months and when you have multiple kids in their first few years of life. Don’t beat yourself up for getting angry at the baby despite the fact that you know it’s not their fault they can’t fall asleep at 3AM after three hours of rocking. Don’t downplay the challenge of functioning without sleep longer than 2 hours in a row for weeks on end. Receive the grace that God has for you in Jesus. Ask for help. Take a deep breath, and then a second and a third. You’re not dead yet, and you’re also haven’t lost your mind, even if you feel close to it.
The reality of month one with two kids (or one, or three, or six) is that it’s going to be a struggle. But in the midst of that struggle there’s tons of tiny, beautiful goodness. You’ll make it through, and six months from now you’ll look back on photos and have forgotten most of the struggle and be filled with fond memories and a longing for that little one to be that little again.
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