Self-loathing and the shame that accompanies it are, in my opinion, one of the most crippling things in the life of a Christian. The longer I lead ministry and the more people I get to know on a deep level, the more pervasive this self-loathing and shame is proven to be. The most terrifying part of it? It’s the people who are often seen as the “best” Christians that are the most deeply entrenched in their shame and hatred toward themselves.
On the outside they look like the ”ideal” follower of Jesus, serving in their church, leading Bible studies, sharing the Gospel when the opportunity arises, and raising families to follow God’s commands. But on the inside they are trapped in an overwhelming sense that they are stuck in sin, that God is eternally expecting more from them than they can give, and that if anyone knew who they really were – if they had a chance to hear their thoughts for even a half an hour – they would be exposed for the fraud they feel they are.
Self loathing, contrary to what’s often implied in many Christian circles, isn’t a sign of true humility.
Shame and false humility
I’ve often heard the refrain, “I’m just a sinner saved by grace” used as a means of self-deprecation. While it is absolutely true that, yes, we are sinners saved by grace, the emphasis of this statement and others like it tends to land more on the sinner than on the grace.
There seems to be this concept within the church that we need to keep ourselves keenly aware of our sin-nature and how we fail to keep God’s law in order to stay humble. Sermons that rail against sin and urge hearers to “be killing sin or sin will be killing you” are used, with good intention, to drive Christians towards living more holy lives.
The problem with statements like, “I’m just a sinner saved by grace” and “be killing sin or it will be killing you” is that, at least in the vernacular way they are used in many churches, they significantly undersell the potency of Christ’s work on the cross.
When insist on defining ourselves as sinners we’re having the audacity to contradict God’s word about us. For someone who is in Christ, self-loathing isn’t a form of humility; it’s a form of pride. God has said that those who are in Christ are new creations, “the old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Cor. 5:17) and that you are “a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation” (1 Peter 2:9). We do sin, yes. But we are no longer sinners. We are saints, chosen, royal priests, holy before our heavenly Father.
Not only does self-loathing pridefully contradict God’s word and underestimate the power of Christ’s work on the cross, it’s also a form of partnership with the accuser Satan. Every time we condemn ourselves with mental beration for some sin or shortcoming, we are agreeing with the accuser and contradicting the fact that “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)
Self-loathing is false humility. Self-condemnation isn’t a means toward spiritual growth. Quite the opposite.
Want true humility? Get your eyes off yourself.
True humility
The only source of true humility is an encounter with the goodness of God. In Isaiah 6 the prophet finds himself before the glory of God and falls to his knees. Here is where most people get off track and point to Isaiah’s falling to his and crying out “Woe is me!” as humility. It’s not – at least not humility in its fullness. Humility in its fullness is shown a few verses later after the angel has touched Isaiah’s lips with the coal and demonstrated that his sin was atoned for and Isaiah responds to God’s question of who he shall send by saying, “Here I am. Send me!” (Isaiah 6:8).
It’s a vision and experience of the glory and goodness of God that inspires true humility. Zaccheus, notorious tax collector, encounters this when Jesus invites himself over to his house. Zaccheus responds with overflowing generosity and repentance. Similarly, Peter encounters this grace and goodness on the beach after Jesus’ resurrection as the Lord gives Peter the opportunity to affirm his love for him.
False humility focuses on how low you are, keeping your sin front and center and God a distant judge ready to condemn. True humility, however, comes from the discovery that God, in his holiness and glory, has come close and covered your sin. That discovery takes your eyes off yourself, eliminates all self-loathing, and releases your eyes to see God’s hand at work.
As C.S. Lewis said so well,
Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call “humble” nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody.
Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him.
If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.
—Mere Christianity, p. 128
If you are in Christ you’re no longer defined by your failures or the fact that you didn’t (and don’t) live up to God’s law. Jesus has covered all that. You’re now defined by who God says you are in Christ. Set aside the pride of self-loathing and accept the glorious love of the Lord of all. Let faith turn the mirror you’ve been examining yourself in into a window that let’ you see the beauty of Jesus. When you see him you won’t be able to be anything other than humble.
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