Two counter-intuitive requirements for true community

Plenty has been written in missional circles about what it takes to cultivate true, Biblical community. In the nearly 9 years that I’ve been leading Threshingfloor Communities I’ve tested many of these things, from shaping the community around a specific mission to intentionally planning shared experiences to sharing personal testimonies and many others. Each are good and bear good fruit, but I’ve noticed a couple things that are missing from many of the lists about what’s essential for a Gospel community. vProbably because these things are counterintuitive and honestly not very fun.

We all operate with an idealized picture of community. Maybe you image an idyllic gathering of friends around the dinner table with raw, authentic conversation about Jesus that welcomes the not-yet believers who are present to discover God’s goodness. Or maybe it’s a vision of your community out serving the city, laughing and working hard together while feeling the fulfillment of doing good.

Whatever that image is, the reality falls far short of that. That feels like a bad thing on most days, but I wonder if maybe we’re shooting for the wrong target if our goal is community that’s idyllic, peaceful, and full of laughter, smiles, and going home late in the evening feeling nice.

We live in a world that’s challenging and broken, full of people who have – even on their best day – a dozen issues that need to be dealt with. We’re in a war zone with the kingdom of darkness striving against the Kingdom of light.

Here’s the truth that I’ve seen in almost a decade of living intentionally in community – having people live with us, filling our house with dozens of people each week, and doing our best to walk out Jesus’ call to operate as his body – true community often isn’t idyllic or easy. That’s why I believe that there are two counterintuitive requirements for true community.

Conflict is essential

If you’ve never had tension and conflict between people in your community, your community isn’t real yet. If there hasn’t been head butting and hurt feelings that are graciously covered with forgiveness and humility, you haven’t lived into being a Kingdom community.

It’s in moments of conflict that our lives and hearts are most exposed to the power of the Holy Spirit and God’s truth. A glance across the breadth of the Scriptures affirms this – it’s in the moments of conflict between Jesus’ disciples that some of the most poignant and powerful growth happens.

Don’t aim to produce conflict, but if you’re in a group where there’s never any disagreement that comes to the surface, the reality is that people are hiding their true selves. Make space for conflict and learn together how to live in grace and give grace to one another. As you do so you’ll discover the deep power of true community.

Inconvenience is necessary

If you’ve never been frustrated by someone calling and asking for your help at an inconvenient time or someone staying later or talking louder that you’d like, you haven’t experienced true community. We’re incredibly adept at keeping people at a comfortable distance and avoiding things that inconvenience us, but when we do so we prevent ourselves from encountering the beauty of looking to the cares of others before ourselves.

Inconvenience is a necessary fertilizer for growing true community. It’s in those moments of frustration and being knocked out of our own ideal rhythms – having to shift our schedules and reorganize our priorities – that we are freed to see who we truly are and know those who God has placed around us as we were meant to.

My friends, don’t shy back from conflict and inconvenience. Instead, lean into it in the power of the Spirit. You just might discover that you enter a sacred space when you do so and see more of God’s glory at work in those hard moments. When I’ve been willing to open my eyes and see where God is at work, that’s often where I see Him most clearly.