A couple nights ago I was chilling with some gentlemen that get together on a weekly basis to hold each other accountable for living lives according to God’s word, and, as is inevitable with a group of young single dudes, we ended up on the topic of relationships. I’ve had the subject on my mind lately, particularly since there has been a young lady who has caught my interest, so I brought it up before the guys to hear their thoughts. Much was said, but one of the guys, Mike, asked me the great question, “Ben, is this desire for a relationship a desire for greater purity?”
His question has stuck in my head for the last three days, prompting me to seriously examine my own motives and desires. Is my desire for a relationship with any one – particularly, but not only, a young woman – a desire for greater purity?
It’s a question of aim and purpose, the kind of question I believe we need to ask ourselves more often. Not only, “Is this right?” or “does this go against God’s law?”, but asking “What is my deeper aim here? What inspires me to do this?” Replace, “Should I want that?” with “Why do I want that?” Too often our analysis stops at action, when it is made clear throughout the scripture that God looks firstly at the heart and motive. And it’s there at the heart that we often discover that the actions that may seem good and right are the fruit of a poison tree. We can enter in to relationships with the best of intentions, laying down boundaries and taking the appropriate precautions, but if the root aim and desire is not pure, the relationship won’t be.
To be honest, I’m not sure how I would answer Mike’s question at this point. I’ve spent so long asking, “Am I doing the right thing?” that I find it surprisingly hard to discern whether what is behind my actions is right or not. That, I suppose, is why it’s so natural to forget that deeper question that needs to be addressed. But I would encourage you to do so, even as I am. Ask yourself whether your desire for intimacy with another person is also a desire for purity. Ask if your desire for success in life is a desire to glorify God in your body. Ask, “Is this desire one that matches what God would desire?”
It’s a hard question to ask, but it’s well worth it.
And my hope is that if you ever find me with a young lady and you ask me if my desires for the relationship are desires for purity, I will be able to say a confident yes.
A couple nights ago I was chilling with some gentlemen that get together on a weekly basis to hold each other accountable for living lives according to God’s word, and, as is inevitable with a group of young single dudes, we ended up on the topic of relationships. I’ve had the subject on my mind lately, particularly since there has been a young lady who has caught my interest, so I brought it up before the guys to hear their thoughts. Much was said, but one of the guys, Mike, asked me the great question, “Ben, is this desire for a relationship a desire for greater purity?”
His question has stuck in my head for the last three days, prompting me to seriously examine my own motives and desires. Is my desire for a relationship with any one – particularly, but not only, a young woman – a desire for greater purity?
It’s a question of aim and purpose, the kind of question I believe we need to ask ourselves more often. Not only, “Is this right?” or “does this go against God’s law?”, but asking “What is my deeper aim here? What inspires me to do this?” Replace, “Should I want that?” with “Why do I want that?” Too often our analysis stops at action, when it is made clear throughout the scripture that God looks firstly at the heart and motive. And it’s there at the heart that we often discover that the actions that may seem good and right are the fruit of a poison tree. We can enter in to relationships with the best of intentions, laying down boundaries and taking the appropriate precautions, but if the root aim and desire is not pure, the relationship won’t be.
To be honest, I’m not sure how I would answer Mike’s question at this point. I’ve spent so long asking, “Am I doing the right thing?” that I find it surprisingly hard to discern whether what is behind my actions is right or not. That, I suppose, is why it’s so natural to forget that deeper question that needs to be addressed. But I would encourage you to do so, even as I am. Ask yourself whether your desire for intimacy with another person is also a desire for purity. Ask if your desire for success in life is a desire to glorify God in your body. Ask, “Is this desire one that matches what God would desire?”
It’s a hard question to ask, but it’s well worth it.
And my hope is that if you ever find me with a young lady and you ask me if my desires for the relationship are desires for purity, I will be able to say a confident yes.
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