“So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.”
1 John 4:16-20
As John states in the verses above, “we love because he first loved us.” The extent to which you are able to receive God’s love is the extent to which you will be able to love others. Sadly, many Christians are trying to love those around them without receiving from the Father first.
Our love isn’t a well that we can draw on at will; it’s a spring fed by receiving the love of the Father. If we refuse to allow God’s love to fill into certain areas of our lives or harden ourselves so that it simply runs off, we won’t be able to love others fully. Instead we become like the soils Jesus mentions in the parable of the sower, seeds landing but not growing because of how hard the ground of our heart is.
God is love
“God is love,” and he loves regardless of whether you receive it or not, but if you refuse or fail to “come to know and believe the love that God has” for you, you won’t experience the benefits of that love.
The terrible reality that I’ve seen in the last 10+ years is that most Christians have not come to know and believe the love God has for them. Oh, they love God and are grateful for what he’s done for them through Jesus. They have faith that they’re saved by God’s grace and they’re driven to prove to God that they’re a worthwhile recipient of that grace. But they don’t know the love that God has for them.
The lie that blocks the love
John identifies one of the key things that blocks us from knowing God’s love. He tells us what it is that love eliminates: fear of punishment. If your picture of God is a distant, powerful being ready to condemn and punish you, you’re going to have an incredibly hard time receiving his love just like you’d have a hard time receiving a hug from someone who you thought was about to punch you.
Now, most Christians don’t fear God’s eternal punishment. Our theology is solid on the fact that Jesus paid the price for our salvation. Instead, the punishment looks more like our heavenly Father’s disapproving frown and stern silence. If you believe that God looks at you with critical eyes and a stern expectation that you should really get your shit together with the help of his grace, you won’t be able to receive God’s love.
We need to accept the reality that Jesus has purchased for us not just acceptance in God’s eyes, but delight. The Father is thoroughly satisfied and pleased with us because of what Jesus has done. If you are in Christ, you are “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you,” (Songs 4:7) and when God looks at you he can’t help but smile.
Receive the love
Here’s your job: receive the love. Make it your practice and intention to accept the love that God has towards you. Quit your self-judgment and self-loathing. Instead, buy into what God has said about you and start letting yourself believe and know the love the Father has for you.
As you do so you’ll discover that loving others, rather than being a burden and a command that you struggle to dutifully fulfill, is a delightful and natural overflow. That’s why John conclude this passage by saying, “ If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar”. Our love for our brothers and sisters is a diagnostic tool. If we’re hating and bitter towards those around us it’s a sign that we’re refusing to receive the love of our Father.
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